Monday, September 29, 2008

Damn! (not being Victorian enough to say anything else)

Pic courtesy: MK
I am feeling damn! today, for no particular reason. Oh before I rant, I love the above picture that says so much. I love eyes that speak and this man's eyes say a lot. Well, I know though that he was, at the moment of taking this picture, not as angry as he looks. He was curious, a little irritated even, at the departure from what was prosaic for him. Some people like that word, status quo, I guess.

I wish I could say that. I am irritated with...I am not sure what. I am angry, a bit with the world, a lot with myself. I am cynical, sarcastic when I speak of the universe I have around me, not the whole wide one with the millions of people and stars and planets, but the one that I have around myself, my life and the people who make it my very own universe. I feel like jabbing a closed fist at the rest of the world and saying Damn! I am angry at some things that will never change, at things that have changed, at things that will change. I hate monotony, yet I hate the change. I do not want to smile, or cry, or do anything at all. Would the world allow me to escape to a secure, warm, cozy little thing called a shell? Or would I be dragged out half way through and told to behave and be good to the world? I know I will drag myself out, the world has to only give me a hard look and I shall cower under its gaze.

Sometimes, even cynicism and a great deal of sarcasm is not self-defense enough to protect me from the rest of them. Why do I seek protection, from whom, when "them" are all actually my very own. Am I being philosophical here? Mere play of words that spill out again? Cynical again? Or plain not ok with that word, status quo?

I don't know. I don't want to. Like the man in the picture, my eyes supposedly speak. And are open. But like someone said, what others think about me is none of my business.

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