Saturday, June 04, 2011

Can Faith be Wished for?

“How can you see places like this, and have moments like this, and not believe?”
“You’re lucky to be so sure.”
“It’s like the wind. I can’t see it, but I feel it.”
* * *
When there are many thoughts whirring in your mind, I suppose you do uncharacteristic things. At least that is what I seem to do. There has been much on my mind, this and that and a lot else. I would have preferred sitting by the beach under a light rain. But instead, I went to a temple. Uncharacteristically.
My relationship with God is a strange one, more a matter of convenience I think. I have gone through alternative periods of total belief to total rejection to utter lack of concern about the whole issue. As always, my dear parents let me decide where I wanted to be. I can’t thank them enough for that freedom.
Yesterday at the temple, I showed myself to a corner (quiet until an annoying kid started screaming), hoping to line up my thoughts neatly like a row of roses in a manicured garden instead of the messy bunch they were in. Doing that had helped me earlier once, a long time ago. I had been a little of a believer then.
Sitting in that business place of a religious institution, I almost envied the others there. Several were the tourist sorts, but in the crowd there were a few oblivious to the rest and communing with God in that room. I wish I could have that faith.
On most days I don't mind being an agnostic. But sometimes, I admit here, I miss believing in something. I miss having the faith, call it blind or whathaveyou, to hold on to. When there are too many thoughts niggling in the mind, I wish I could feel it in the wind. It would have been a shelter in the storm.

2 comments:

Giribala said...

It's all in our head. I never believed in God, but always expect goodies to fall from sky.... :-)

Deepa said...

Hehehehe!!! I wish I had your faith in the falling goodies Giribala! :-D