Wednesday, June 03, 2009

It's Been Four Years Now....

All evening, I had several one liners that I wanted to choose from to begin writing this post. And suddenly, I don’t remember what they were. Ah, well.

Some weeks ago, I realized that today, June 3, I would complete four years as a blogger. My fingers have been itching since then; I was reminded of how I would eagerly wait for my birthday to come, counting the days and getting all excited. Well, that was several years ago, a time when greeting cards were still the paper kind, when nothing was prefixed with an e- to it and when I knew I would get several of those little gifts and I could wear a “colour dress” to school and give chocolates and have cake and all that. Well, years go by and let me suffice to say that I don’t much welcome November anymore. Except for the cold.

And so, for several weeks, I was itching to write this post. Four years to the date. I don’t quite remember why I began to write a blog. Those days, I didn’t have a laptop or a digital camera and would go to a cyber centre to write posts, get the photos scanned and upload them. I could not write when I had the terrible urge to; the diaries were the resort then. I suppose I began to blog then because that was the latest thing; I suppose I merely thought it cool.

I remember the first comment I got. There were times when I wished a lot of people would comment on my writing. I wanted a lot of people to read me rambling on. I wanted to know who read my stories and from where.

Today, there is a little live feed thingy on my blog that lets me know where I get the hits from. I suppose all the foreign ones happen when I am fast asleep. There are many from the US, New York, California, Wisconsin, Texas, some from Karachi, Copenhagen, Spain, New Delhi, a whole lot from Bangalore, Hyderabad and several other towns in the state, the country, the world. Some places, I know who could be reading, others, I can only imagine. I wish there were faces I could put on to the people. Not many leave comments, but I know that it’s ok. I am not much of a commenter myself, on the many blogs that I read. I know that a lot of people read what I write though. Family does; it comes up in conversations. I know that several of my colleague and a lot of my friends read. I know that there are several people out there who take time off to read it. On last count, a few hours ago, I had four followers; I very much appreciate you all adding me on your reading lists and some others for putting a link to mine on their sites. Thank you all, wherever in the world you are. I appreciate that, when there are so many other things that you could have seen and done.

When I started, I had not imagined how much of a release, an addiction this would be. The blog has seen me through some of my most defined phases in my life. When I was at uni, I would blog almost every other day, waiting for hours at the tiny cyber centre next to my hostel. My days in Express were great too, that was when I still had some ideals left.

I think this is the 281 post, not many, for a four-year period, I must say. Book and movie reviews, travelogues---a lot enjoyed by many, I am told---and poetry, photographs, several stories, random, vague posts, philosophical ones, there have been many. I have never revealed my personal life much or shared personal pictures but there have been people who could guess what I was going through. I have always been moody, and no where does it reflect more than in my writings in this space.

Writing to me is the way I breathe. I need it almost like it was a life force. And this blog has been my release, my escape, my own space all the while. There have been moments when I have managed to keep my sanity around me because I was writing here. Words, of the written kind, always have done that for me.

My life, my rules. Four years ago, when I was sitting in an internet centre picking out a random template and choosing a random name, I never thought I would take it this far. Sometimes I wish I had chosen a different name, something more sophisticated; I know I could have thought of something better. The title, my blog itself, has been used and thrown on my face during arguments, what I write, who I write about has led to several allegations, ugly scenes. The blog has given me friends and good acquaintances, it has, even more, led to a lot of fights and heartache for me and other people. I regret that the most. But if I were given a choice to change the name, I wouldn’t. It is not too great a name, but it is still, my life and I live it by rules I impose on myself.

All the posts that I write meaning to lash out, in a moment of my infamous temper, are never put up on the site. They remain for a while as drafts and are soon deleted. I have a lot of things that I would write about, but I don’t, knowing well that I shall regret it after a few days. And I thank my “critics” (you know who you are) for keeping me in check J

And there it is. Four full years of venting and ranting and just taking up my bit of cyber space. I know I shall never stop writing; if not here, someplace else. There will be many more friends I shall make, some non-friends too. But what I write, I write from the heart, things I feel and think at the moment I am writing them.

Thank you all, for being there, even if most of you are silent on the reactions side. Do keep coming back. Let me, at times, tell you a story, or show you a place, or give an opinion or share my thoughts. Welcome to my life.

Today is also Ajji, my grandmother’s 79th birthday. Until recently I didn’t know I was her favourite. That brings to my mind, a smile and several memories of growing up. Happy birthday Ajji, may you all have many more healthy years.


Karthik L G said...

woww that was one neat post to read.. i wish i could elaborate so much on simple topics.. its like you just weave out your thoughts with these wonderful words.. hope to see 10 years of your blogging and mine too (i too finished 4 in april) now 10 is the first target milestone.. happy birthday blogger :)


Amit Deshpande said...

Happy 4th Birthday to you!!!

Wish you a long haul on this blog.

Deepa Bhasthi said...

Thank you Karthik and Amit.

Here is to blogging! :-)