One moment there was noise all around me in the office, the usual chatter, the phone incessantly ringing, the stupid jokes, the tap-tap of keyboards, the usual office noise. And then, suddenly, my brain-on-strike had a striking thought. It was like the rest of the world had come to a stand still, including me, and the other me was looking at it all like it was some kind of movie. You know what I mean, like that scene in The Matrix where Neo and that other guy look at the world.
And so, it felt like that scene for a few moments, these days of our lives. Does it happen often to others too? I saw my friends around, all chattering about, working, joking, living life. I saw me doing all that. It felt almost surreal... gosh...I cannot quite explain it....
Lives are being led, friends are so very important to a fulfilling life. Conversations, gossip and ranting sessions over chai, telling each other to stay away from fatty food, trips to the international cafe nearby, working, looking at pictures and making more friends and hanging out and dreaming dreams and trying to make them work and fantasizing and going out and trying to cope and making plans and shopping and family and stories and deadlines and stress and walks and life!
Everyone I know is doing all these, I do these things. I don't quite know what I want to say here. Maybe just that I feel like a spectator in my own life sometimes. Maybe it is the thought that I might not be doing the things I do under other circumstances, maybe these are not what "me" is all about. Maybe this 'me' is another illusion in my life, or maybe it is the only reality.
To use the Bard's cliche, we are all actors; sometimes it is all the more true.
Sometimes I see me on stage with the others. Sometimes I don't quite understand myself.
This is one of those sometimes.
Pardon me, I told you my brain is on strike.